42. Is Hypervigilance Stealing Your Joy?

In this episode of the How to Find Joy podcast, host June Suepunpuck discusses the concept of hypervigilance and its impact on joy. She shares personal experiences and insights on how hypervigilance can drain joy and lead to feelings of anxiety and disconnection. June offers practical strategies for recognizing and combating hypervigilance, emphasizing the importance of returning to oneself to reclaim joy. The episode concludes with resources for further support and connection.

Takeaways:

• Hypervigilance can drain joy and create anxiety.
• It's important to recognize patterns of hypervigilance.
• Creating space can help interrupt hypervigilance.
• Returning to oneself is key to reclaiming joy.
• Hypervigilance often stems from a desire to feel safe.
• You are not alone in experiencing hypervigilance.
• Mindfulness and grounding techniques can be beneficial.
• Self-awareness is crucial in managing hypervigilance.
• Joy is possible even in social situations.
• Resources are available for those seeking support.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Finding Joy
• 0:46 Understanding Hypervigilance
• 3:58 The Impact of Hypervigilance on Joy
• 7:41 Strategies to Combat Hypervigilance
• 9:58 Conclusion and Resources

Transcript

June Suepunpuck (00:02.255)
Welcome to the How to Find Joy podcast. If you are currently feeling unhappy, overwhelmed, stuck in a rut, or simply need a boost of hope, you've come to the right place. I'm your host, June Supanpuk, also known as Joy Guy June, and I'm here to give you honest conversations on how to find joy through this messy thing called life. My intention is to share practical tips on how to get back on the path towards joy.

show you examples of what that could look like for you, and help you feel more inspired and connected to your own definition of success, power, and true happiness. If you're ready to learn what's possible, the How to Find Joy podcast is here for you. So let's get this pod started. Woohoo!

June Suepunpuck (00:56.633)
Before we start, I'd like to thank today's sponsor, Hyper Vigilance. That's right, the thing that convinced me my baby's breathing pattern was a crisis at 2 a.m. and also that the energy in the room needs my constant supervision. Hyper Vigilance because apparently I cannot just be chill. But for real though, today we're talking about Hyper Vigilance. And I have to admit there is a version of me that shows up when I'm around people.

even the people I love and she's not the version that I care for the most. You know, she is the one who is bracing for impact at all times. She's scanning the room. She's preparing like one of those doomsday preparers, but emotionally. And she's definitely tracking everyone's reactions. And my body is, you know, going into high alert mode.

and I really thought that I had a handle on this until I had a baby. I think moms out there, you can understand what I possibly might be saying. Because when my baby cried or he had any specific needs, I am scanning for his facial expressions, his tiny body movements. I mean, they can't talk to you, so you have to kind of be hyper vigilant, right? To like understand your baby.

But anyways, the unpredictability of it all, it just lit up every old part of my nervous system that I thought I just healed already. You know, like I'm just constantly in deep disappointment around. I'm like this again, damn it. But anyways, I definitely feel like when I'm hypervigilant, I can sense every shift in the room. I can feel myself wanting to be ahead or prepared of everything. And

when it came to taking care of my son and recognizing, shit, I'm hypervigilant, like I'm so hypervigilant again, I found myself going back to my CODA meetings, thank you, CODA Penance Anonymous, because it was kind of like this thing that I could anchor back into myself and remind myself that, wait a second, this is a pattern and this is hypervigilance, it's not just motherhood.

June Suepunpuck (03:18.09)
and I can get a handle of it again. And of course, the more honest I got and the more I have realized that this pattern is back, this version of me is still showing up around, you know, certain times and especially during the holidays. And with Thanksgiving coming back up again, I thought, well, you know, this might be a topic that we can talk about.

because at the end of the day, you know, I think about it and it leads me to a very real question, which is, hypervigilance stealing my joy? And spoiler alert, the answer is yes, because here is the thing. For those of you who don't know what hypervigilance is, it doesn't just feel like a little tension in the body. It's the thing personally for me. It's like the quiet draining of joy that happens when

your attention leaves your body and goes into the room. And the focus is on other people, their moods, their comfort. And it looks like, let's just give some examples, tonal shifts, listening for emotional cues that are not yours, anticipating what other people might need, or monitoring yourself so you don't trigger anyone.

or maybe like leaving a perfectly fine gathering, completely exhausted and thinking, wait, why am I so exhausted? That was supposed to be fun. Hypervigilance for the record is subtle. It is automatic and it's powerful enough to pull you out of your joy, even around people you love. And hypervigilance, I would say lives in the body. It's kind of like a low level fight or flight.

and your amygdala, which is the part of the brain that is in charge of fear and your actual fight or flight response, it'll kind of like set off a quiet alarm and it goes on duty and then part of your brain that's actually responsible for joy and connection goes quiet because the hypervigilance is so freaking loud. And I want you to know that when you are in this state in

June Suepunpuck (05:29.981)
lose your joy. It's not because you're failing or you're doing it wrong. It's just you're losing your joy because your body leaves the moment to kind of protect itself, right? So I don't know if it's like a form of disassociation, but it's definitely something where you just kind of go out of your body because you're so your energy and your focus is so much outside of you.

And because it's such a body experience though, the good news is, is that it is kind of like trainable. So when I feel myself slipping into that old hyper-vigilant mode, which is like the bracing, the scanning, the quiet panic dressed up as like, I'm being helpful right now. I don't try to think my way out of it. I used to try to think my way out of it, but thoughts for the record do not come.

hypervigilance. But interruption does come hypervigilance. So what I mean by that is like you want to step out of whatever emotional field you're standing in. So let's take an example for Thanksgiving, right? You're there. Everybody is talking and it's loud and people are cooking. There's laughter. Maybe you're sensing somebody's in the corner kind of depressed. You're just like really noticing the energy of the room.

And you're just in that feeling, right? And it can be very overwhelming when you're hyper vigilant around like, okay, who's feeling what? What's what person's doing this? Are you doing the right thing right now? Blah, blah, blah. But sometimes what you have to do to interrupt the pattern of this loop of focusing outside of yourself is just going to a different room. Like walk to the bathroom, maybe step outside for 30 seconds.

Sometimes it's just moving a few feet away from the cluster of energy that's probably in the kitchen that you're absorbing. But sometimes the fastest way to regulate again is to create literal space between you and the energy that is sucking its life force out of you. then, you know, once you find that space, usually for me it's the bathroom, then I can come back into my body.

June Suepunpuck (07:51.668)
So you wanna drop your shoulders, you wanna ground under your own feet and let your eyes kind of like soften, right? Maybe look left, center, right, and then breathe. don't forget to breathe. Because oftentimes when I'm in hypervigilance, my breath shortens and I'm in full blown anxiety because you're just not getting enough oxygen into your brain either.

And so once I start feeling myself again, once I'm fully inside my own energy, I give myself this one clear thing to say. And maybe you can try it. So for me, so that I can return to my joy, I say to myself, after I leave the room, I say, I return to myself. I return to myself. I return to myself.

And that's the moment it all shifts for me. That's the moment that the threat loop breaks because there's no danger. There's no danger, Will Robinson. And that's the moment joy has a place to land again. And because when I return to myself, I'm no longer bracing, right, for that impact. I'm not managing the room anymore. I'm not tracking danger that isn't there. And I'm not abandoning my own experience.

because hypervigilance is so much about like you being in someone else's experience and you do want to do that thing which is return to yourself. So, you know, remember that you're here, you're in your own center, you're in your body, and with that joy becomes possible again. So if you've ever wondered why socializing drains you or maybe why you lose your spark in rooms full

of people that you even love or why you don't feel like yourself around people, this could possibly be why. Maybe you are experiencing what you are now identifying as hypervigilance. And for the record, like as always, you are not alone. You are not broken because of this. It's just something that your nervous system may have adopted as a way to feel safe.

June Suepunpuck (10:07.948)
and that's something that's very important here. So I want to remind you that even in this moment if you are recognizing, crap, before I listen to this episode I have been in hypervigilance or I'm currently driving and I'm very hypervigilant. I just want you to remember you're here, you're safe, and you can always return to yourself.

June Suepunpuck (10:34.494)
If you love this episode and want more, there are a few ways to stay connected. You can explore more resources over at JoyGuideJune.com. That's where you'll always find the latest episodes, upcoming events, and ways to work with me. And if you want a community where you can be loved and to also see some of my more private journal essays.

You can join me on the Joy Guide June sub stack. That is also where you will find extra nuggets of wisdom inspired by each of our podcast episodes. And of course, if you're craving personal guidance, you can book a one-on-one joy guidance session with me. It is private, it is custom, and a space for you to get clear on what's next for you and your path to joy. So no matter how we stay connected, I am so glad you're here and I will see you next time.